I decided to do this all in one post with a lot of detail, so it's going to be a long one. I've split it up into sections so that you can skip over things you aren't interested in. I'd say this is probably 35% clinical details and 65% my personal experiences, so please feel free to skip parts or PM with any specific questions. There isn't nearly enough info about CVP online and I would love to help.
Pre-Surgery
I chose this method for several reasons. I was already leaning towards CVP anyway because it would give me more depth than PIV. I couldn't pay for electrolysis out of pocket, and I also didn't want to wait another 2 years to get rid of my penis. Insurance is technically supposed to cover electrolysis but they'll throw a fit about MPN numbers and I really didn't want the fight. YMMV but for me it was easy getting my insurance (Ambetter) to pay for the surgery itself. Stiller's authorization coordinator Allison is phenomenal, as is everyone in his office.
I was initially concerned about the long term effects of colovaginoplasty. There isn't a lot of information online, and what little there is paints a scary picture. Bad smell, perpetual discharge, etc. My biggest worry was how it would change my digestive system. Dr. Stiller was great though, he was so patient with all my questions and concerns, and had all the answers I needed. I don't want to invalidate the experiences of anyone who may have had complications, but I do think that because of Dr. Stiller's technique, skill, and experience, there's nothing to worry about. I'll get into this in detail later.
Zero Depth
Surgery Day: This one hurt pretty bad. This was the first time that I had a lot of pain when I woke up. Probably 8ish. I heard the nurse say they were giving me fent to help, and it did dull things out, but I don't think it was possible to fully alleviate it. I slept a lot on the first day so that was helpful.
The first week: This was the worst week of my life, and the hardest recovery. The wounds are so extensive and the bandage puts constant pressure on the wound. The catheter is a pain to keep in the correct position and the bandages chafed my thighs. Per usual, days 2 and 3 were the worst. After that it was miserable but a lot more manageable. Pro-tip: bring something about 18 inches tall that you can hang the catheter bag on when you're in bed.
Edit: One thing I forgot. There's this reflex your body has when you finish peeing to clench your muscles down there. Leading up to the surgery, practice ignoring that reflex. During the first week it sucks pretty hard.
The next month: Once the bandages were off, things really weren't bad. It didn't hurt to pee. It did take about 12 days before I could sit, even with the donut. There was this moment , the first time I put on panties and booty shorts without thinking much of it, where I realized I never had to worry about tucking again. I cried with joy in that moment.
The next year: I did have a bit of granulation that took three applications of silver nitrate to go away. It wasn't painful at all but I've heard other people say it was for them, so take that with a grain of salt. I felt that I could have gone back to very light work around 2 weeks. It was about 3 months before I could sit without the donut, but YMMV on that. I had a full month after this surgery before I went back to work, because my FFS/BA was two weeks later. I've written about that here:
Functionality: It was a little hard to get used to at first. I started exploring around a month in but things were still too tender to take it much further. I started really going for it around 7 weeks, but although it felt good, I wasn't able to get there. As the weeks went by, I became afraid that I would never get there again. Once I stopped thinking about it, cleared my mind, and just enjoyed the feeling in my new body, I was shocked when I got there without even meaning to. This was about 12 weeks in. It's been years since then but my gf gets me there consistently.
Colovaginoplasty
Surgery Day: My journal entry for day 1, which I wrote on day 2, is scant. I didn't remember much of that day. I'm pretty sure I slept through 90% of it. I was in a lot less pain upon waking up than I had been after my ZDV. I remember being very happy to be in the hospital, being cared for by the nurses. They don't make you stand up on day 1 so it wasn't too bad.
The first week: Day 2 was hard. They wanted me to walk as much as I could and it wasn't easy. My belly hurt and I got tired very quickly. My shoulder hurt a lot from the gas. I was so happy to have my sister there to help me around. I would compare the feeling to those cramps you get when you have diarrhea. Things weren't so bad when I was laying down. I slept a lot and watched TV. The Tordal and morphine worked very well for the pain. There were times when they were wearing off when my pain reached level 6ish, but most of the time things were around 2 - 3. One thing worth mentioning is that with some of the nurses you need to be a little insistent when it comes to opiates.
The cramping pain became significantly worse in the few hours leading up to and immediately after my first bowel movement. The timetable will vary but for me it happened around midnight of the second day. You can't push so I spent a lot of time sitting on the toilet hoping something would happen. I eventually went, but surprisingly it hurt worse after that. My guess is that it was only a partial evacuation, and it allowed space for the gas behind it to take it's place. I slept for a couple hours before I woke up for round 2, and after that, I felt a lot better. From that point on the cramping was pretty much done.
I went home on day 3 and the first week wasn't too bad in terms of consistent pain, but the pain from the belly incisions is blinding with any sudden movements. Be very careful when drinking water, and ideally use a straw. If you end up coughing you won't be happy. Keep the lights dim if bright light makes you sneeze. Don't watch anything that makes you laugh. And make sure to keep your caretaker very close by, because you will have moments where you need to be on the toilet immediately. I learned that one the hard way; learn from my mistakes.
The next month: Dilating. Woof. It's bad, there's no way around it. There may be times when it overwhelms you and you have to just cry it out. The first week is the worst and the second is close behind it. It really, really hurts and it's scary to push something into a fresh wound. The first week I found that it helped to start with my finger before moving on to the dilator. Sometimes I was able to get to the first or second dot, wiggling it in until it hurt too much and then waiting a while. Sometimes it was all I could do to get the tip in.
I have some tips for this too. I found it easiest to do all this in the bathtub with some old pillows I didn't mind ruining. You can rest your knees on the sides of the tub and I found that it made it easier to relax my muscles. Douching is also easier laying down, and you'll need a shower afterward anyway. Bring a space heater to keep it nice and warm in there, bathtubs can get cold. For CVP, remember that you only need to stretch the first few inches; there's no need to try to go all the way in the beginning. That will get easier as the swelling goes down.
Edit: Couple things I forgot to mention regarding pain management. Never ever take an Oxy before dilating to make it easier. Because the pain is dulled, your body won't be able to tell you when you need to stop and you'll end up setting yourself back. Also, you're going to be on morphine for 2-3 days and oxycodone for another 10 days. When you get down to the last few pills, start cutting them in half to taper off. Even two weeks of opiate use is enough to put you down for a couple days if you stop cold turkey.
After two weeks it gets easier. The pain is more manageable and it's less scary. At the beginning of week 3 it took most of the half hour of dilating time to get to the shaft of the purple dilator. By the end of week 4 I could get the purple dilator inside in about 10 minutes. At this point Dr. Stiller recommended that I start moving on to the larger sizes.
The next 3 months:
Week 5: Purple 10 minutes, blue 30 minutes.
Week 6: Purple 5 minutes, blue 30 minutes.
Week 7: Purple 2ish minutes, blue 5 minutes, green 30 minutes.
Week 8: Blue 5 minutes, green 30 minutes.
Week 9: Blue 2ish minutes, green 30 minutes, testing with orange.
Week 10: Green 10 minutes, orange 30 minutes.
Weeks 10 - 13: Green 5 minutes, orange 30 minutes.
After week 13: Orange only
Functionality: Words can't explain how excited I was when I reached the orange dilator. I picked someone very patient and kind for the first time. It took forever to get it in, and then it didn't last long because it hurt. This was about 11 weeks post-op. Over the next couple weeks it got a lot easier. It still took a couple minutes to get it in, but it didn't hurt as long as the sex wasn't too aggressive. After week 14ish, as long as they're average size, I felt comfortable enough to start hooking up and just saying that I'm exceptionally tight.
That catches us up to the present [edit: 6 months ago]; I'm about 4 months post-op. I'm still incredibly sore for several hours after sex, but Dr. Stiller assures me this will get easier with time. That checks out, it took almost 9 months for my face to settle after FFS. I can't do justice to what it feels like to be on the correct end for the first time in my life. Sex has always been something I needed because of biological urges yet like death by a thousand self-inflicted cuts. Now it's magical and emotionally nourishing.
Rumors of discharge, smell, etc: None of these have been an issue for me, and I credit Dr. Stiller's technique and skill. For the first couple months there was quite a bit of brown stuff that would come out with the dilator, but it's not like anyone was spending any time down there anyway. Since then, every once in a while there will be a little bit of gunk, but it's becoming more rare and I expect this too will go away. It doesn't leak constantly. I haven't needed to use panty liners for a few weeks now.
I haven't experienced any foul smell. Oddly enough, for the first couple months it smelled if anything a bit earthy. It made me feel like a witch lol. Since then I've noticed a definite shift, and at this point I'm told it both looks, smells, and tastes like any cis vagina. I do get wet during foreplay. Not enough to make lube unnecessary, but it is very validating. After a few months my digestive system recovered and adapted to the changes and now there's really no difference from before besides pooping slightly more often.
Closing thoughts: I can't say what the better option is between this and PIV. I would hazard a guess that they're pretty equal. All I can say is this surgery turned out very well for me and if you're considering it for whatever reason, I would highly recommend it.
Love and hugs,
m0nster_mattie
<3
Edit: I did have some complications. Pretty standard stuff, leftover erectile tissue and some skin separation. The former often made things too tight to fuck and the latter often made it too painful. I think the reason they showed up months after the surgery is because they were aggravated by sex. Dr. Stiller was awesome about getting me in for a revision and since then everything has been just amazing.
There are no words for how good my experience with Dr. Stiller was. I know I bring it up a lot in this post but I literally owe him my life and he works so hard to make us happy.
That's all for now loves,
M 💛
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