18 months SRS summary - sexuality ruined

73
u/actually_not_evil
Tue Aug 29 12:53:01 2023 UTC
(29 comments)

I had PI vaginoplasty and vulvoplasty with clitoris a year ago in March at Parkside, London with Mr Bellringer.

Before SRS:

  • I had a working penis (no dysphoria) and testicles (yes dysphoria)
  • I was able to orgasm easily from masturbation, even on blockers
  • I was able to penetrate but didn't find it fun, so I wasn't doing it
  • I had high or slightly above female T levels on monotherapy, later below female levels on blockers for half a year
  • I had a decent sex drive, even on blockers

After SRS:

  • aesthetics are nice
  • depth is good
  • clitoral sensation is shit after nearly 18 months, feels like a nullification. Maybe 20% of what was possible with the penis.
  • my energy level is very low
  • 95% of my libido is gone
  • sex is possible, sometimes enjoyable. Got a 4/10 orgasm once, which was nice. Fourchette always gets torn.
  • when masturbating, I can feel some amount of pleasure but it's about 20% of the sensation needed. I can reach pseudo-orgasms, which feels more like releasing the little tension I'm able to achieve. I cannot not compare it to the intensity of sensation I once had, and the comparison is brutal.
  • I am INCREDIBLY frustrated with not being able to orgasm alone. No me times for me.
  • if I really work on getting myself mentally aroused, which can take an hour, there isn't enough signal coming from the body to turn the arousal into an orgasm

I have ruined my sexuality, which was a significant component of my life, and thrashed my energy levels, essential to normal function. I have no motivation left in me. I have ruined a successful transition. Career, looks, physical health, still being pretty young - I had it all. Without the crucial component of sexual function, I now have less than I had before transition. Don't send me to fucking Samaritans or some shit, this is life philosophy, not an acute crisis. There are some things I wanted to do in my life or see, so I still need to stay alive for a couple of years.

I would have to get on pretty high levels of T be myself again (good luck finding a UK endo willing to give me that). Even then, I lost A LOT of sensitive tissue. It's very likely I will be horny and sexually frustrated not being able to feel.

Conclusion for others:

Do not get blinded by statistics. Maybe 80% of PI recipients are able to orgasm, but the question is HOW. And how the HOW relates to YOU.

My incorrect line of thinking was:

  1. I don't like to penetrate others
  2. I like being penetrated and would like it from the front
  3. 80% of post-op women can orgasm

Therefore, if I find myself in the 80%, I will have "something better" post-op.

If you like what's more-or-less male orgasms (strong, definite point in time, followed by a release), don't be a moron like me and get SRS hoping for something better.

Damage control:

I can: - try to get my T to high female levels - work more with the prostate (although I never enjoyed prostate as anything more as an addition to penile orgasms)

all 29 comments


57
u/HiddenStill
Tue Aug 29 13:11:35 2023 UTC
(2 children)

Bellringer sure has a lot of complaints.

15
Tue Aug 29 22:18:34 2023 UTC
(0 children)

Yes that’s a huge understatement if added all together it would total literally hundreds and hundreds.The excuse rolled out is that he’s done a lot but Dr Suporn / Dr banks have done hundreds snd hundreds no complaints at all and no surgery available for 18 months tells you something I ve personally met people who’ve been completely botched lives ruined

3
Wed Aug 30 11:05:52 2023 UTC
(0 children)

It could happen with any surgeon.

19
u/collisiondamage
Tue Aug 29 14:06:52 2023 UTC
(6 children)

Thank you for your report.

It really sounds like you need some T to function, I hope you can get it ine way or another.

Maybe local trans telegram chats can help you.

9
Tue Aug 29 19:46:00 2023 UTC
(5 children)

Or maybe progesterone? I've super low T levels after being on blockers initially, and now estradiol and progesterone. The progesterone was a game changer for my libido and enjoyment of my sexuality post transition. I've not had SRS yet, but had my first consult last month... with Bellringer at Parkside.

6
Tue Aug 29 22:25:23 2023 UTC
(4 children)

Crikey you are brave. I really fail to understand why otherwise intelligent people pay extortionate private fees for nailed one awful results. When they can get guaranteed beautiful results fpr more than half if the price Your choice but I urge you to look at the evidence first

5
Wed Aug 30 06:58:20 2023 UTC
(0 children)

there’s so many factors going into picking a surgeon though tbh, i went to parkside mainly for distance especially if i had complications. and i couldn’t be happier :) always a trade off you have to make at some point, whether it’s convenience, risk, technique, price

0
Wed Aug 30 07:02:14 2023 UTC
(1 child)

If that's to me, I'm not paying. I've been on the lists long enough that I got referred from my GRC and thr GDNRSS. You get a degree of choice which surgeon, but theres also a element where you also have to take what you can get, if you want it done in reasonable time....

2
Wed Aug 30 12:39:45 2023 UTC
(0 children)

You take what you can get if you can’t afford surgery otherwise, and find the risk acceptable.

14
u/Glass_Accountant2189
Tue Aug 29 15:48:14 2023 UTC
(0 children)

All of your concerns are very valid. I'm sorry to hear this.

8
u/[deleted]
Tue Aug 29 17:09:26 2023 UTC
(0 children)

19 months post op and can't orgasm either but in my case I never did it pre op so that could also be a factor hopefully our damn bodies will decide to let us orgasm any time soon.

22
u/FeliciaFullPants
Tue Aug 29 14:15:43 2023 UTC
(1 child)

I'm not here to belittle your results, I certainly feel for you girl.

I just wanted to say that I'm 4 years post FFS and I still see changes + nerve repair happening in my scalp after hairline advancement. It's possible you may still have additional healing and sensation coming back. Keep your hormone levels in check, get the correct nutrients if you don't already, and keep your exercise regimen consistent.

I am so sorry for what you've lost, but 18 months is still relatively soon for something as advanced as full srs. I hope these coming months treat you well girl <3

2
Wed Aug 30 09:51:49 2023 UTC
(0 children)

Oh! I hadn’t thought about nutrition, is there anything you know specifically about the nutrition aspect of recovery? Or just general broad get all the nutrients kinda thing.

8
u/Icy-Yogurt-Leah
Tue Aug 29 16:18:50 2023 UTC
(1 child)

Looks like we had ours at around the same time with the same outcome.

I can't help with the majority of your post unfortunately other than say you are not alone. I'm trying to find joy in other parts of my life but the pain is a constant reminder of what I let happen to me. Counselling is helping me cope with other areas of life but I doubt It will get to the same happy place I was pre op.

I can: - try to get my T to high female levels - work more with the prostate (although I never enjoyed prostate as anything more as an addition to penile orgasms)

I would have to get on pretty high levels of T be myself again (good luck finding a UK endo willing to give me that).

I'm on TRT with the WGS endocrinologist so it is possible. I'm on a low dose as mine is well under cis female levels but I'm pretty sure she would allow me to go higher if I wanted to. The main reason I don't want it higher is fear of DHT ruining my hair or causing more facial hair growth. Maybe you can contact them and ask.

Really sorry you are suffering, huge hugs x

1
Wed Aug 30 07:21:22 2023 UTC
(0 children)

Also I've been offered T post op by the Gender Hormone Clinic at my last two check ups. I also don't want it as my T is below cis female levels and I'm quite happy with that.

Hope you find something that works for you OP.

39
u/True_Ad_824
Tue Aug 29 13:36:20 2023 UTC
(2 children)

I am not sure as unsatisfied as you are that I would include you in the 80%. Remember 20% is a huge number and this is not only piv but all types of vaginoplasty. More importantly Remember female arousal and orgasm is very different from male arousal and orgasm. It is much more difficult and involved. It requires a loving patient partner able to learn your body and how to please you. Masturbation is also very different and more difficult and time consuming. Mood, mental state, setting, sensory inputs are different. It can be daunting to learn a whole new side of human sexuality.

13
Tue Aug 29 14:09:05 2023 UTC
(0 children)

Can confirm. My cis wife and I had very little sex drive during 14 years together. Mental health is tremendous for female orgasm

2
Wed Aug 30 06:51:11 2023 UTC
(0 children)

My cis wife orgasms pretty easily. Before my transition we'd have sex and both orgasm in like 5 to 10 minutes easily. You shouldn't make such strong assumptions about how feminine orgasm works differently. It's not that consistent.

5
u/FoxySarah71
Tue Aug 29 17:29:37 2023 UTC
(1 child)

Really sorry to hear about your negative experience 🙁

I have heard that there's sometimes some relearning and remapping required to get your new parts going, so please don't lose hope just yet.

I hope what I'm going to suggest next is OK in here as this is an NSFW Reddit, but mods feel free to delete my post if it isn't, I mean well and I am trying to help 🙂

Quick (silly) question for you, have you tried a vibrator? Just relax with your favourite stimulating material, some lube, a good vibrator, take things slowly, and see what happens?

4
OP
Thu Aug 31 12:59:46 2023 UTC
(0 children)

I tried and I don't really like vibrations, they numb me down. Best I can do is to insert a textured dildo, flexible and long enough to also rub against my clit. Still, not enough sensation, but at least there's something new - the prostate being stimulated from the end of it being inside.

19
u/EmilyU1F984
Tue Aug 29 15:41:18 2023 UTC
(0 children)

Your energy being low and libido being gone 100% points to too low T; and really hasn‘t got anything to do with the surgical results.

So try T gel, and see what improves.

u/[deleted]
Tue Aug 29 14:51:50 2023 UTC
(2 children)

[deleted]

2
OP
Thu Aug 31 13:03:09 2023 UTC
(0 children)

I was on E+P, and then E+P+decapeptyl.

I used patches throughout most of my treatment. Only recently got gel.

7
u/Megan_Roxy1
Tue Aug 29 15:15:57 2023 UTC
(0 children)

I will be almost 2 weeks post op on Wednesday. My sex drive tanked when I was on just HRT. Adding Progesterone helped tremendously with that.

I am deeply sorry you landed in the 20%. Who knows I may as well. IDC honestly I had that conversation with my sister before I even consulted with my Dr. I made this decision fully aware of all the consequences. A good amount of cis woman can't even achieve orgasm yes the situation sucks but average sex lasts what 20 min? Would you buy a car for a feature you would only use for 20 mins? Again I'm sorry this is your world and potentially mine. I am also glad you are bringing this to light as it's important to look at a situation from not only the good but also the bad. I agree with what others have said woman need good mental health to orgasm sometimes. I myself have better orgasms when I have a bond to my partner. I know I may hate the feeling of being penatrared from the front. My clit may never wake up. However I won't give up on trying. I employer you to do the same.

2
u/[deleted]
Tue Aug 29 16:00:17 2023 UTC
(0 children)

Im really sorry this was your experience! Bellringer really does seem to be a sore point on this site. Have you tried progesterone and really high levels of e? blockers are really not great in general (my theory is they keep u from rewiring ur sex drive/response etc) My T has never gone over 20 and my sex drive has been consistently higher than pre-t levels. Also: hrt is what predominantly changes ur sexual response/strenght of Os ): not surgery... Alott of us ended up with magnitudes better sex from just getting our hormones to a proper level. Try T gel and prog.

2
u/Freak80MC
Sat Sep 2 06:35:31 2023 UTC
(0 children)

It hurts me to read this because this is basically all my fears for having bottom surgery.

Orgasms are super important for me, I have a high sex drive when I'm in the moment, and in the past when medications shut down my ability to orgasm, my sex drive was left intact and that inability to orgasm was so frustrating and depressing for me (which was ironic, seeing as how it was mostly antidepressants causing this), that I would immediately stop the medication completely. I couldn't stand not being able to orgasm.

So the idea that after bottom surgery, it wouldn't only make orgasms harder to achieve, but nearly impossible, absolutely terrifies me and makes me second guess ever getting it...

Which is hell, because while I can stand having a penis enough to use it orgasm, I don't like it. It's always a means to an end. I just ignore it the best I can, focus on the pleasure itself and sink deep into my own mind, sexual fantasies involving me having anything but this... Thing, between my legs.

But god, if I never have bottom surgery, even when I can... It would definitely be my biggest regret. That what if...

It really feels like this is a "Damned if you do, damned if you don't" type situation. There's no winning... That's being trans for ya I guess.

3
u/Difficult-Salt-4863
Tue Aug 29 23:11:28 2023 UTC
(0 children)

I haven’t had SRS, but I can attest to having low testosterone killing my ability to have sex. When I had low T my erogenous zones would just stop working.

One moment touch from my partner on my breasts or penis would feel stimulating and the next like a regular touch. Or become flaccid and touching my penis felt neutral.

I also had no libido, very low energy, dry skin, cracking nails. The last two aren’t that big a deal, but part of what was happening.

I use a T gel which will put me at the high end of female range and drop steadily during the day. At a minimum I think some of your other symptoms would be rectified.

3
u/GENsesh3
Wed Aug 30 01:09:24 2023 UTC
(1 child)

I wouldn't call it male orgasms, that just sounds, ick, trans women on estrogen have female orgasms. Period.

2
OP
Thu Aug 31 13:01:48 2023 UTC
(0 children)

I had high female levels of T at most times, so my orgasms were more male than female.

1
u/traceyjayne4redit
Wed Aug 30 22:24:59 2023 UTC
(0 children)

Really do t understand posting and then male it impossible to comment Appears very arrogant to me I m post op SRS ( note not GRS etc it is SRS) I m very sensitive but worried about aggressive types etc Any advice ? I feel I should wait until around 4 months at least ?