I blew off the statistics. 1 in 100? Never will happen of course. And then when multiple 1 in 100s happened to me I understood.

The surgeon that operated on my face told me the odds of a bad complication was just 1%, but then added, It won't matter though if you're the one. You'll still hate me

He was almost right. I was the one, but it wasn't the fact that it happened that made me angry. It was the fact that for over a year he denied it was a problem which allowed it to get worse and worse. It wasn't admitted until I connected with a different surgeon to fix it. Then he suddenly cared a bit, but the fix he proposed was half assed. This IMO is why the vast majority of these grudge matches start. It isn't because of the problem, but rather the refusal to accept and correct the problem when people have spent everything they have and then some on the first surgery.

Years ago, Dr O had an angry protester posting everywhere about him. He could have just fixed her problem, but no. He instead chose to act like she was crazy. I don't know why accepting blame and fixing the problems is so damn hard for some people. They'll still make tens of millions over the course of their career.

I used to work in a newsagents shop selling lottery tickets. Dr comes in and waits in the queue while people in front buy tickets. Then when he gets to me he says, " they believe they will be the one in 26 million chance who wins, but when they see the warning on cigarette packets, think that they won't be the one in three unlucky ones." Stuck with me. We are our own best deceivers.

To add to this:

If someone posts about having negative sideffects or other problems most people just ask "who was the surgeon" without offering help or support. As if it was so easy to weed out the "bad ones" Mistakes happen to everyone once in a while, negative sideffects happen to everyone. (Rarely but still do)

A single case of a bad outcime is no reason to distrust a surgeon.

What makes a good surgeon besides their successrate is how they deal with the situation when something happened.

Legit I filed a grievance with the hospital that did my surgery. I picked my doctor because of what I saw on here. His assisting caused a huge complication which forced me to have several surgeries in the months following the initial surgery. Not being able to heal, dilate properly, the loss of some depth, or have intimacy with my fiancé has caused me a lot of distress to be honest. I know I’ll probably find another surgeon to do some revisions next year.

That said I know multiple people have posted this surgeons work since and their results have been wonderful.

Would I recommend my surgeon? Sure as long as his assisting is no where near you. Did he try to fix her mistake? Yes I genuinely believe he did. Was he able to fix everything? Nope not all. It’s rather frustrating. Do I still have pain? Yep daily and it makes me dread dilating. Am I happy I had bottom surgery? I mean I don’t have the same discomfort I did looking in the mirror previously.

Like things happen and honestly some of these surgeons can be such assholes they would never apologize when they make a mistake. I’ve had three other surgeries all done by one surgeon (FSS in two parts, BA done in two parts because we used fat grafting). Like I can’t speak highly enough about that surgeon. I don’t ever want to tell people to not go through with surgeries. Just know who’s operating on you. Know the risks .

Great message. I think people are so psyched about the surgery and looking forward to getting rid of their dysphoria that they can't conceive of anything going wrong. But you're right. It's really major, very invasive surgery. Horrible things can happen even in small surgeries. And they do. So many of us have comorbidities as well - too thin, too fat, too high bmi, poor coping skills. Often caused by the very problems that the surgery is aimed at fixing. I feel surgeons have to be a whole lot more honest about potential complications, especially for people with weight or mental health issues. This is not surgery that you can just hope it gets better by itself. You need to proactively look after yourself. But you should be given the information WITHOUT feeling that the surgeon is being transphobic or being urged by others on reddit to 'get a second opinion' because sometimes we need to hear all the potential bad stuff too.

Potential complications are one of the reasons why I am quite unsure WTF I want in the way of bottom surgery.

Hell, just the recovery from everything going perfectly well is a reason for me to be unsure.

And, how to put this...

I am going to be one of the people with complications.

Going by statistics from a hospital in Oregon, which sadly had very few transfem people in the data, the complications are unlikely to be horrific, but... They are probably going to happen .

And 'how does this compare to what would normally be expected' is something that I need to be answered honestly.

To the point that if I do ever go for bottom surgery, I'm likely to ask the surgeon for some general examples of cases where things went wrong, and how they were addressed. General examples because I obviously do not want HIPAA protected information.

But I absolutely want to know what kinds of complications they have encountered, and if they fixed them, if someone else fixed them, and what kinds of fixes were found to be appropriate.

Anyone who claims to have not had any significant complications? I'm likely to walk away, simply because complications happen .

You can do everything right, and still have shit go wrong.

Thank you for this post. As someone with life-altering complications, it's really scary for me to step forward and discuss my situation.

What I want, more than anything else, is to help prepare others who are about to undergo surgery, but it's hard to be helpful when all I can offer is my own experience and my complications.

This is a fantastic post, and whileI don’t really comment here, I hope those who do take your message to heart rather than dismissing it.

Here here, this is the truth and this sub needs to take it seriously. This sub is one of the worst trans subs for its attitude towards people. Judgmental, self-centered attitudes towards the patients in this community where only things that validate what you feel are valid. Im sorry but that is simply not the reality of major surgeries. This shit can suck. It went great for me but I can point to some one from my same surgeon who had horrible unforseeable complications and 5 others who did alright but didn't feel like sharing their experiences.

Amen Ashley. Excellent message. And yes, I'm the Ashley on the Mt Sinai Discord server with you as well.

I’m on mobile and don’t know how to quote shit but “ be better. Be supportive and stop ostracizing” are things that the trans community in general need to be better. We get hate more than anyone else normally and it’s not right to then turn that around and dish it back out to people. Treat people the way you wanna be treated and that’s that.. this reason alone is why I hardly do anything with the trans community because it’s full of hateful people and it’s super sad tbh…

I never understood the desire of people to be cruel to each other just because it's hard for most people to figure out who they are. The whole point of having society and civilization is that we are stronger together, and it has been for thousands of years, and yet there have always been some who decide to hate others and make life harder. The internet just gives those people a way to hide themselves publicly while they treat others as less than human. All we can do is be supportive where we can and refuse to go back into the closet. We deserve to have safe spaces to talk about our experiences and to seek comfort and advice from our peers.

On the topic of surgeons, their refusal to take responsibility, and the overall societal shoulder shrug to those of us suffering with complications after an elective but still very necessary and personal procedure: I have been lucky enough to have a medical education and have worked as a nurse and therefore have the knowledge and language to advocate for myself effectively, but most have not. One of the massive issues with GCS is that while we have general guidelines like WPATH, there is no governing body or board of overseers for trans surgeries. Other than individual litigation, there is no one to hold the surgeons who see their patients as a means to make a profit or who lack the necessary experience to perform these surgeries, accountable. What is more concerning is there is no real concrete certification process for trans surgeries in the US.

I do want to say this though. Don't let all of this dissuade you from getting any surgery that you need to feel whole. There are good surgeons, good medical staff, and good facilities that can provide you the care that you need. There are good people both on this subreddit and other places both in the real world and online who will support you in any way that they can. Don't let assholes keep you down or stop you from being who you are.

All we can do is stay strong, help each other, and weed out those with ill intent as we find them. We are stronger together.

Thank you, Ashley, for speaking to this. I know how hard the complications have been for you and it's so heartbreaking that this community hasn't been available for it. You name good reasons for that: avoidance because we don't want to think it could be us, fear of any non-happiness being used against us politically, etc. But those fears, however legitimate or not, should not excuses for not holding each other up and taking care of each other. We desperately need each other. We must be here for and recognize each other in this complexity.

Thank you again. 🖤

I agree. People share their story here, but instead they feel shame and often delete their posts instead of getting help or even just encouragement.

If this sub was more open for that, everybody would have it easier. And also a broader base of information for research that isn't biased. (Which literally just helps picking the right surgeon for you.)

I am one who has ended up with life-altering issues stemming from my original GCS, albeit temporarily. My first surgery was in 2021 and I ended up needing five more surgeries and times going under to get the problem fixed and back on with my life. This year I decided to get my canal redone since it completely collapsed, and every surgeon I met with said the chance of re-injury was high, but I was willing to take the risk, only to end up with the area re-injured. I've already had three surgeries to get me stable, with at least one more hopefully before the year is up. It's been one hell of a journey. I'll be left with zero depth and it is something I have come to be okay with after lots of work with my thearpist.

Both surgeons have been helpful through the whole process, and I never felt pushed aside. Neither of them tried to shirk responsibility.

The thing is, I don't regret it one bit. I've been accused of saying that my reaction is a "cope," but it really isn't. I've been told I shouldn't be sharing my story because it might scare someone off of getting "the surgery." But, for me, my dysphoria is all but gone. I no longer have to disassociate at doctors to be naked from the waist down. I no longer have a constant reminder every day, and for that, I'm forever grateful. I truly do feel comfortable in my body, even with the perceived flaws.

Thank you Ashley for sharing this sentiment here, as it needed to be said. The small percentage of us who have had this level of issues should not be silenced or accused of being a plant by our own community.

Amen to that. I stopped posturing because I was nailed every time and everyone I know who got bot hard or got issues also stopped because there was no compassion and simply gaslighting of surgeons.

Thanks for your post.

while i mostly agree with you, far too many of the posts like that explicitly and implicitly recommend against gender affirming surgery, and that no one should ever get it.

when the alternative to gender affirming surgery is....just not existing anymore, yeah, that's not a good recommendation

I haven’t witnessed any of that here. I think we’re all aware any surgery can have minor to major complications, difficulty healing, and undesirable outcomes at the very least.

Hi I'm F18 trans and wanted to do an GRS vaginoplasty, but I'm worried I can't find an surgeon with loads of experience. Any advice on what places are the best to to get surgeries?