I had my first consult for vaginoplasty today. I've been on HRT and socially transitioned for 8 years. I recently got married and am finally in a position to take a few months to devote to surgically transitioning. The team I consulted with includes a Reconstructive Urologist and a Plastic Surgeon that work together on every bottom surgery done at their location. I prepared as much as I could. 2 years ago I quit smoking. This year I buckled down on my diet and got BMI under 36 (more loss planned). I have worked at a place I dislike for several years to ensure my insurance would cover the surgery. This morning I was left ugly sobbing after the plastic surgeon told me that due to the anatomy of my pubic region, specifically the skin of the "FUPA" not being stretchy enough, he could not commit to full depth, and would want me to consent to zero depth vaginoplasty.
I've gone through so much to be who I am. I would rather die than go for zero depth. I know for some, that is a perfectly acceptable method, but for me, it would be further mental torture.
I asked if it was a weight issue, as 35.5 bmi is not as low as I'd like to be, but they said it is simply the tissues not being stretchy enough.
I'm mentally wrecked.
I sobbed the majority of the 5 hour drive home, and kept thinking intrusive negative thoughts. I've put so much time, effort, and pain into transition. This can not be how it ends. I've been physically and sexually assaulted due to being transgender. I've lost every member of my bio family due to who I am. I've suffered at the hands of others for years. I can not believe this is it.
I have a consult in January with a different surgeon, but now I'm spooked. If he says the same thing, I don't think I could keep doing this. I'm genuinely worried for my mental health setbacks if my only options are zero depth or no surgery.
I'm broken.
Positive vibes appreciated.
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