The first few months after surgery is so hard mentally.

Post-op depression is real, and it can come on very strong and very out of the blue. My first month was just recovery, low energy and pain, but as things healed I went through a bad depression patch.

Things really started to improve mentally towards the end of month four. Sensation takes time. Now I'm six months post and feeling so much better about everything. I'm far from the only person to have had this experience.

Hold on, things will get better :)

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way! I hope you have the support networks needed to get through this. I don’t want to be broken record for future posts but 3 months is till so early. But I recognize It’s hard to not feel this way when you get on this Reddit and are met with so many “perfect outcomes” to “terrible” outcomes and a never ending spigot of anxiety by what feels like every trans person alive.

I’m not a gatekeeper but there is something said to going through this process with a decade or more of adult life under your belt. Everything felt so life or death for me until I hit my early 30s. Plus then I had the things I needed to cope, jump from milestone to milestone, and realistic expectations to manage most of the anxiety. Expectation management is the key. There will most likely be an opportunity for revision eventually. However I get the dread of feeling life flying by your face while you wait to have the life you want. I want to validate that but also hopefully you can balance that with some perspective to how much life you have left. Breathe and TTP girl, you got this!

You're not alone 🫂

Surgery is a very stressful thing, especially a surgery as major as this, I don't think people talk about it enough.

I see people showing their results, saying how happy they are. What those posts don't show is how long it took for them to feel happy, the emotional turmoil and uncertainty they went through.

I've been scared, traumatized by my experience with the wound vac, I've cried countless times. It's so.. difficult. Feeling useless because I haven't been able to do anything for so long, except lay in bed. I'm usually an emotionally stable person but going through this process has beat me down.

It will be okay 🫂

Sensitivity can take time, gently massaging the area of your clit can help regrow and activate those nerves again. You also have a lot of swelling still, so things may not look or feel right at the moment, that's very normal.

On top of all that, have you been taking any medications? Opioids and other painkillers like Gabapentin create a sort of "high".. a euphoria, and coming off of them or even just lowering your dose can cause feelings of depression and despair..

My clinic put me on both gabapentin and opioids. Overtime I've consistently needed more gabapentin because of dilation pain, but when one nurse refused to refill it for some reason, I was left without it for like two weeks and it caused extreme depression. Not only due to the pain of dilation, but also I think my body is literally physically addicted to Gabapentin so I will have to wean myself off of it when my pain subsides.

So that's something to keep in mind too, if you notice any of these depressive sensations related to the drugs you've been prescribed, it's important to bring that up to the clinic.

With major surgeries like this, the depression, stress and possible drug withdrawal can be such a terrible mix that it just feels overwhelming, but you will get through this, it's temporary 🫂

Hi, please, can you elaborate more?

What exact problems are you having? Complications of what type?

I'm not getting it.
Do you feel like you did the wrong surgery, or it's due to dilation (it sometimes hurrrrts)?
I had a lot of complications....dehiscence, a surgeon who's a psychopath and gaslighted me everyday, my circle of friends couldn't understand how difficult it was for me living this alone, I'm audhd and it complicated things more, but... I have internal hair regrowth, I had several traumas due to institutional and doctor's maltreatments, and some more things....and now I stopped dilating because still bleeding 3 years after. Also considered ending myself but, I was so depressed and no one understands me why...now I'm doing better!
I don't regret the surgery, only regret the fucking surgeon I choose, as he fucked my head severely.

Hang on, you still have months of recovery trust me, trust the others here, we've been there 💜