FFS and post-op depression.

Mon Dec 28 09:01:51 2020 UTC

(14 comments)

Hiya.

I'm 4 weeks post FFS. I guess in many physical ways I'm healing well despite still being swollen AF and a few other minor niggles. The first few weeks I think I managed to ignore my reflection pretty well and not get deep into things and just tend to my immediate needs, although I think nowadays that I'm feeling energetic and at a point in the timeline that many girls are happy with how things have gone I'm starting to read into my results a bit more.

What I see doesn't fill me with confidence. I went to a household name and spent all my money on it and - somewhat foolishly perhaps - pinned a lot of hope on it. In many ways the face I wore before was quite beautiful, despite the dirty looks it got me on a daily basis. What I see in the mirror today is objectively far worse from an aesthetic point of view. I am sad for that person I had a lot of love for who no longer exists. Beforehand I was proud to have saved the money and taken decisive action, now I keep second guessing my surgeon choice, my directions to them, whether I could have used those funds differently or better...

I thought the physical recovery would be rough (it was) and then I'd be content... Or more so at least. But I'm starting to find this to have a pretty heavy mental toll. I've been in some dark places again for the first time in a good while. Maybe because I had this beacon of hope in my future (FFS) and now that it has passed I have nothing left. Despite not being happy with my reflection dysphoria seems to have rapidly moved to other parts of myself, which in a way makes me think it's worked a bit?

I'm going back to work (remotely) soon to a stressful job and finding that I don't really give a shit about it, which could get me in trouble. They are excited to see the results of my surgery but my camera will be staying off.. they'd be just as disappointed as me...

I just feel like I look not like a human, that I look nothing like the projected virtual pictures, I keep thinking of other procedures that could help, not that I have the money. I hate the idea of surgery and it terrified me now I'm thinking of more anyways...

I understand feeling down is a pretty normal part of the experience, and that in six months I may even be happy with the results... But how do I even get there? Anyone have any advice for getting through this period?

Thanks.

u/BeingJess

Mon Dec 28 10:24:11 2020 UTC

(1 child)

I can only imagine how difficult this recovery period is. I think to help maintain some sanity just remind yourself why you chose the surgeon you did and how much time you spent before surgery considering the various options. From the sounds of it you did not just rush in - now you just need to wait for the results to appear. I am considering FFS in 2021, when I am where you are now I will think of you and how brave you were. It will help me be brave.

Quick question - is your surgeon happy with everything so far? Has he given you any reason to believe that you are still healing and that in a while everything will look as expected?

Also, if you feel up to it, share a photo or two - perhaps we can help confirm that you are being too hard on yourself girl.

Mon Dec 28 10:40:00 2020 UTC

(0 children)

Surgeon said everything went well though some asymmetric swelling the morning after, and again ten days later for discharge. They were happy and confident but I figure surgeons always are.

I'll dm you an image.

u/alice_in_wl

Mon Dec 28 19:05:33 2020 UTC

(4 children)

For what it’s worth I no longer look like I did one month after surgery(I’m 1.25 years post op now), I don’t use or share pictures from that far back anymore. I think depending on swelling it could take 6 months to over a year to see the true shape of things. One of the weird things about it is you also need to give your brain time to get used to the new face as well. The hardest part of medical recovery may be behind you now but it doesn’t mean healing is done. It’s a process both mentally and physically and I’d really recommend trying your best to withhold judgement for a year. Of course I haven’t seen any pictures but I have 3 friends who had ffs with different surgeons and all of them look a lot different than they did at 1 month.

u/proteannomore

Mon Dec 28 21:16:19 2020 UTC

How long did your brain take, if you don’t mind me asking?

Mon Dec 28 21:22:11 2020 UTC

Hmmm, good question. I want to say around the 5 month mark. I was taking selfies constantly and looking at the mirror a lot before that scrutinizing everything. At some point I just stopped and it was no longer this “other” thing but it was simply my face. Probably 5-6 months but that time is likely to be highly variable based on personality and also surgery results/physical healing time.

u/melissaNicole1117

Sun Oct 17 17:30:24 2021 UTC

Thanks. Found this looking for support. I'm really depressed 25 days post-op FFS. Your comment is encouraging. But the patience is difficult. I feel like I'll be a shut-in for a couple months at least, and then it still may not look right.

Sun Oct 17 17:35:39 2021 UTC

Yeah I guess I planned my life around the recovery time with things to take my mind off of recovery. Mix of studying for a career switch, gaming, and catching up on shows. I guess it probably helps I am naturally a bit hermit-ish.

u/Brianna_1997

Mon Dec 28 18:05:34 2020 UTC

It's still early days. Take as much rest as you can and do things you enjoy. Focus on things that are going well. And in a few months when all the swelling is gone, figure out if you're happy with the results.

u/[deleted]

Mon Dec 28 13:04:53 2020 UTC

[removed]

u/HiddenStill

Mon Dec 28 18:23:04 2020 UTC

Removed. Rule 1.

u/BeingWinterRose

Thu Dec 31 06:37:07 2020 UTC

Sis I feel you! I’m two days away from 6 weeks post op and I relate to everything you wrote. I have a lot of asymmetrically swelling in my nose chin and jaw. it’s so hard to stay positive and see past it. I’m here of you want to dm and vent ❤️

Sun Oct 17 17:18:14 2021 UTC

(2 children)

I know this is an old post. I found it looking for some support with post-op depression: I'm 25 days post-op FFS and struggling badly. Everyday it gets a little bit worse. I know it's early, and there are actually pieces and parts of my results I already love. But there are other parts I hate. I don't see how i can even show my face for weeks, maybe longer? And everyone is so excited to see but I'm hiding. I relate to everything you wrote, especially "i am sad for that person I had a lot of love for who no longer exists." I really really feel that.

May I ask, how did it shape up for you? How long did it take? I often hear and my surgeon says, 6 months. And I get it can take that long to see the final results. But so many others, even with swelling, feel so, so much better about their results by week 3-4, I'm really concerned. Thank you. I'm rambling. May I DM you?

Sun Oct 17 17:38:54 2021 UTC

Congratulations on your ffs, it's a priveledge that many women wish they had.

I'm 11 months post op now, and I think things are still changing, though more subtly now than earlier. I still have a bunch of under jaw swelling and my nose is still improving. I got misgendered a bunch of times in the first few months and felt like it was, if not a failure, not as good as I hoped.

I still get misgendered sometimes, but it's muuuch less than before, and also could be from anything, voice, posture, height etc. I still don't pass 100 percent or even close, but actually a lot of the time people have no idea. I had to go through a body scanner at an airport last week and the security lady was pretty shocked when I told her the thing in my pants was a penis hahaha.

There were some complications/flaws which I am still upset about but I'm busy getting on with my life... My jaw is asymmetric and looks goofy when I smile and I have a kind of deviated septum and also the nose is like overly pointy...

Overall, I'm glad I did it. I would have gone to someone else in retrospect but something needed to happen. I'd saved up the money, I had a window of opportunity...

I'm considering a couple of other things face related, fat transfers as I only had bone work done and the gauntness in my face is a bit of a problem, also another hair transplant to creep my hairline shorter a centimeter or two....

It's a long journey of recovery both physically and psychologically. You're still really early. I know it's really hard not to implode on yourself... I was considering throwing myself off a cliff at a couple of points....

My dms are open.

Sun Oct 17 21:13:12 2021 UTC

Thank you very much for your reply. It really helps. I'll DM you soon.

FFS and post-op depression.

all 14 comments