I (25y, transfemme) had vaginoplasty 6 months ago. While having orgasms is possible, its frustratingly difficult. Like we're talking 30+ minutes of work and even then there's only a ~30% chance of success. This is a huge change from before surgery, where it'd only take 2-5 minutes and I had a 100% success rate. Its quite frustrating tbh.
Has anyone else been in a similar boat? Does anyone have any suggestions?
Edit: I should add that this is all in the context of singleplayer action!
I'm afab but I was literally just telling my fiancée (trans woman) that sometimes it takes me a lot of concentrating to finish. She's pre everything so I was trying to explain the amount of soul searching it takes to achieve orgasm, with or without a partner. So, not really an answer to your question, but more of a "you're not alone out there". Just dont give up and try not to get frustrated. Im sure you already have, but relaxing can help. Scented candle maybe? Idk, just from one sexually frustrated woman to another, solidarity.
Sorry you also experience the sexual frustration, but I appreciate the solidarity. Soul searching is soo accurate! Wishing us both more luck in the future.
If you're able to take a bath (I'm unsure of when you're allowed to submerge everything as every surgery is very different) I would suggest a nice warm bath and a candle you enjoy and just take some time exploring your body! Dont have any expectations, totally clear your mind. I have a hard time with that part, and I think thats a huge roadblock.
I can relate heavily. For me sensation was slow to return and healing was a marathon effort not a sprint. I remember it getting easier in increments at 8 months, a year, and 14 months is where i felt things were really becoming easier. I know just what you describe though, more than half the time nothing would happen.
For me it was the switch from vibes to manual stimulation that helped me feel my progress. I don’t think i could with just my hands until about a year and then it was another long learning period of discovering what worked for my body. Now i prefer my hand to toys easily and it can be quick or slow. It took a good 20 months to get here though and I didn’t even have complications healing. Just, slow.
Thanks for sharing! Its really encouraging hearing that things might continue to improve as healing continues. I guess I need to just be more patient for the moment.
Interesting about switching from vibes to manual. I've actually noticed that myself too, and was surprised with how things were different manually. Might continue exploring with that too.
Thanks again!
I'm unsure if this will help, but for starters: buy a vibrating wand. Using one has got me on the track at around the three month mark (though it does take longer than before for sure).
Next, HEADSPACE. Like I gotta be watching something, fantasizing, whatever like to the MAX. Heck, tease at yourself a bit during the day, sneak looks at some lewd content but only for a few seconds, things like that!
Don't just stimulate your newfound bits! Your nipples being added in and make for fun results. That and sometimes, focusing on breathing (like holding your breath at the right moments) can help too.
Finally, your clit isn't your only good spot. I started setting my wand actually a bit under it, like where women have what's called a "u spot" and closed my legs. It kinda vibrates -everything- thing way and damn is that a nice feeling.
After my surgery with Dr.Kanit At first I was like you. I was worried and quite clear about it. And I asked Dr.Kanit and he told me to relax. Then it will get better I feel okay with it now. Orgasm every time It may take a little longer.
I haven’t had SRS but I haven’t touched my penis or orgasmed using it in over 5 years. It took a tremendous amount of time but I can easily cum from anal or other stimulation not involving the penis or that area in anyway.
Keys — it takes time to learn. Relax. Focus on your breathing. Make sure your in a quiet environment or one the turns you on. You will get there I assure you.
My dysphoria got so bad I refused to even look at my penis and it stopped getting hard all together due to my attitude towards it. It took 3-4 months of trying different things to finally cum. Now I find it easy, not as easy as before, but I have a 100% success rate and the time I’d guess is 10-15 mins average. With my partner it’s about a 90% success rate and takes about 30 minutes. Honestly not worried about the time I generally consider these activities enjoyable... lol
I was good with just some slightly rough masturbating with a toy but after I had sex, I found it much harder to do on my own. Idk if its a mental block or I just enjoyed the sex so much that I subconsciously only want to orgasm with a partner. Were all different, it just takes some experimentation ;)
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