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One year post-op (Dr. Brassard) - AMA π
(My first post, at 5 months post-op, is here. Since then, things look remarkably similar, but are generally less red and inflamed- everything looks a little happier.
Initial recovery is a bit of a blur at this point. It has its ups and downs - more emotionally difficult than physical. Physically I was not in toooo much pain, I was only on Tylenol after about 10 days, and by a few weeks, I was able to go for walks around the neighborhood.
The stress of a rigorous dilation schedule, and especially the strangeness of getting used to a whole new body part and being unfamiliar with my new body - those were hard bits of recovery for me. It's very strange being intimately familiar with one body part for years or decades and then having to relearn how to interpret what every sensation is telling you. This relearning oneself extends to sex, too. I started having sex with someone around 6 months into recovery. I really have felt like I'm learning sex all over again - that can feel upsetting and daunting and frustrating at times, and exhilarating and joyful and beautiful, too!!
Despite my surgeon recommending douching every day for the rest of ones life, I stopped doing so at around month 3. As far as I can tell, there have been no adverse effects. This way my vagina has been able to build up its own natural flora.
Urinating sometimes would spray off in a weird direction for the first year - lot of peeing on my thigh- but that's mostly tapered off as it's healed.
I wasn't prepared for this but at around 3 months dilating got a lot more difficult; apparently this is not uncommon. It resolved by month 5. I reduced my dilation schedule a few months earlier than my surgeon recommended and noticed that things got a bit tighter. I may have lost a little depth - I'm not quite sure. I used to get to the 4th or 5th dot on the dilator, now I'm around the 2nd or 3rd. It could be the reduction in external swelling making it look like the dilator isn't going as deep. Likely it's been a combination of this and not dilating as much as I should have for as long. At this point I'm dilating every 1-3 days; trying to increase to daily to see if I can regain some depth, but it's hard to put in the time.
I've dabbled in penetrative sex with a partner wearing a strap-on. I can take most of a dildo that approximates a penis on the smaller side of average. Some angles and positions are uncomfortable; some feel really great. Getting penetrated takes a little time to warm up to, but it can feel really really good - like nothing I've felt before. :)
I started being able to have clitoral orgasms at about month 4/5, and they're great :) They feel better than pre-op orgasms, and are easier to achieve (Pre-op and on e I needed a vibrator to cum; post-op I can get off by touching my self). Direct stimulation of the clitoris is uncomfortable; going through the labia feels good. I lubricate naturally but it's only a small amount; using lube is necessary for sex. When I orgasm I self-lubricate a ton. Generally speaking, my vagina's sexual function is pretty similar to a cis vagina's.
Brassard is great, but I've been frustrated with trying to get help from the staff there over email the past year. My advice is to have a relationship with a health care provider who is knowledgeable about this surgery whom one can see, if that's possible for you - seeing nurses in my city who could provide advice and care has been really helpful. I had a bit of hypergranulation, some internal (treated w silver nitrate and viaderm over a few months time) and they were able to help. My experience of being there in Brassard's care in person, though, was excellent.
Likewise, I would advise ensure your support network is strong for that first month or two. Life is hard in that initial period. My main support fell through and it drastically impacted me. Have a plan with a few folks who can cook for you, get groceries, and be emotionally available for you.
In sum: My genitals aren't perfect but nobody's are! My function is generally great. She gets good reviews from others ;) She smells natural, she looks good, she basically does what I want her to do - all in all I'm pretty pleased.
She looks great
Do you think part of the difficulty getting help over email over the last year might been attributable to the pandemic? I'd be curious if that's a problem patients there have encountered even during more regular years.
Thank you!
I don't think this is a pandemic related problem. I've heard reports pre pandemic of various clinics being hard to communicate with once one has gone back to their own home. It's just the nature of trying to deal with complicated medical stuff via email. It's impersonal, it's easy to depersonalize someone when they're just an email address. π€·πΌββοΈ
Wow. Just beautiful. I am looking forward to my surgery in about 2.5 years. What great recovery pictures
Thank you so much!
Hang in there and good luck.
No comment on the surgery itself. I'm not sure I could say much that was constructive. Things appear well enough that I'm trying not to cry for my pre-GCS state. I do have a question, though. How does it feel? I mean, when you look in the mirror, and everything looks right, how does it feel? Does the pain of our existence go away? Do you finally feel like you can be happy? For me, you've reached the light at the end of the tunnel of transition. Maybe I'm just being melancholy, but you know how it is for us. I am so f*cking happy for you!
It definitely feels good to have arrived at this point.
I will say that bottom surgery is not a perfect cure for the difficulties with genitalia that many trans people face. I had a difficult relationship with my genitalia before and though it is much better post op, things can still be difficult at times. I still sometimes compare mine to a cis vagina, and that can sometimes be difficult. It's hard to describe what I'm saying, but essentially - this surgery made me more comfortable with my body and with my sexuality, though not to perfection. Nothing in life is a perfect fix.
I do feel like the hard work of transition is behind me, at this point. Dysphoria and genitalia dysphoria took up a lot of mental and emotional energy, and I have that off my plate now, which is wonderful. I feel less worried about being discovered or clocked as a trans person in general and facing the potential issues that can come with that. I feel more like "one of the gals" - For me, having a vagina has helped me feel like I truly am a woman.
Hope that answers your question.
I get that no surgery can make us "Cis". I appreciate your comments. Does knowing there isn't anything else that can be done help you accept who you have become? I hope you understand what I'm asking.
I think I understand. These things are hard to language.
Getting to this stage helps me come to peace with my identity and my body, but not in the sense of like "Well, I tried everything and I've done what I could and this is what I've got π€·πΌββοΈ" ... it's more like, I've gone further down the path of a lifelong journey to understand and know and accept my self and my body and who I am. It's helped me feel a kind of agency in the process, while simultaneously helping me acknowledge the whole of me, which includes the hard parts, the things about my self that I struggle with. It goes beyond "making my self a woman" and covers ground of who I am in a more total sense. There's a certain fullness to leaving no stone unturned in all of this. I accept my self because I've had a lot of trouble with my body and my sense of self, and I've taken steps to remedy those things, and the spectre of them will always be present but I can move forward in a better way and that helps me own or honour those issues as part of me.
I'm facing Orchi next week, and I'm happy about the final answer to my T problem, but I'm also unhappy because I'm going to just be stuck "in between" until I'm able to get GCS. What I mean is I will 100% not be able to be male (which I have NO desire to do) and yet I won't be 100% female from the genitalia perspective (I word this carefully because no part of me thinks I am less than 100% female).
I don't think I've read or seen a more accurate explanation/ description. Your photos are excellent, if I had the surgery Dr Brassard seems right for me.
I worry about too much sensitivities. Do you have any issues with panties or clothing exciting "her"?
Having lots of information about this was crucial for me before I had surgery, so I want to provide lots now that im on the other side! :)
Sometimes if im already turned on, the pressure of a tight pair of panties can feel nice, but it's not like my genitals are just constantly being stimulated by my clothing. It's not something you need to worry about.
Fantastic and a great write up, loved reading about your experience.
I'm glad you enjoyed it. The more knowledge about all this that's out there, the better. :)
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Interesting that you experienced such similar things! Did you also reduce dilation a bit earlier than recommended? If so how did that go for you?
I do have internal sensation. Actually oddly when I insert fingers the internal sensation is uncomfortable for a second. Then I can feel that somethings in there. I've also been able to feel it when I've received deep internal silver nitrate treatments; the nurses said it's remarkable how much I can feel that. I can also definitely tell when I'm dilating to the end of my vagina.
I haven't had an O from penetration alone, but I feel like it might be in the cards for me, especially if my nipples are being stimulated for me. Idk if you find this but my general genital sensation is good on it's own but very good when my nipples are being stimulated, it's like pressing a button to turn up the intensity π Ultimately, like you, I think most of the pleasure from penetration comes from indirect stimulation of the entire region.
Did your labia and surrounding tissues appear really massive beyond just inflammation in the early months? I'm just 1 month right now, and I could see having a similar result to yours, but my labia is just *massive* right now. Doctors support staff keeps telling me it's probably just the swelling (without looking), but I have my doubts.
Everything was quite swollen and puffed up for at least a couple months. My outer labia are definitely kind of fat, even all healed up, so you may just have larger labia. However I would expect yours will likely shrink down. One month is so so fresh and things are going to be changing for a while.
Thank you so much for your great testimony (pictures and coments) Your are so beautiful. π
You're welcome, happy to share. π
ππππ
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Thank you very much! I am happy. π
It looks amazing dang im jealousπ
Thank you so much. π
Terrific results!
Thank you π
Wow, looks really perfect. Are you happy with the result?
Thank you π I'm pretty happy with it. It does what I want it to do. Nothing's perfect. I'm happy I saw the surgeon I did.
Those are some of the best results I've seen, I'm happy for you. For a question, do you think you could have gone back to work/school after 2 months, I could possibly take that much time off but any more would be hard.
Wow, thank you, that's wonderful!
I'd say things were almost back to normal by two months. I was still tired easily at around two months, if I recall. Certainly by three months life felt pretty much back to normal in terms of capacity for life (minus dilation schedule)
Oh my God. Absolutely beautiful. I'm jealous.
Gosh, thanks so much!!
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Thank you!
Yes, i have; if you read my comment I talk about it a little.
Wow it looks amazing!! So happy for you. Thanks for sharing, I liked reading what you had to say. I look forward to being post phallo and feeling complete
With regards to you reaching orgasm at around 4 to 5 months, is that when you started regaining sensation, or did you already have ample sensation by that point?
I had SRS with Dr. Bellringer 5 months ago, and I don't have much sensitivity and am still anorgasmic, mostly due to little sensation. My clitoris is just like a smidge if a different colour, nothing as defined as I see come from Brassard or McGinn, and I'm kinda worried Bellringer cut too much away when making my clitoris. I think I have slowly been getting a little more sensation the past couple months, but I'm not sure if that's just me paying more attention to things.
I'd say I had sensation at that point, (like for example my clitoris was too sensitive to comfortably directly touch, which remains true to this day) but sexual response was very muted. Like I had to be very vigorous for a prolonged period if I wanted to get off. Since then, things have grown more sensitized to sexual stimulation so that isn't so difficult.
Yeah, I'd say that' describes my current feelings too. It's defo sensitive if I bang something there (or my cat steps there.... grrr), but there's, as you say, a lack of sexual response/pleasure from stimulation for the most part. For example, I was using the shower head to rinse after douching, but starting about 2 months ago, I starting being able to feel the water on my clitoris if it was pointing right at it, and had to move my hand away to lower the pressure. Now I can't do it even at arms reach without it being too much.
Recently too, vibes have started to feel better, but if I put one on my pubic bone, I get a sensation way too strong/not pleasurable. I guess those sensations are slowly turning from being not-good-feeling to being pleasurable.
Well that sounds like you are gaining sensitivity, and things are relaxing into feeling good.
I really had to work at figuring out how to orgasm with intention and it was often frustrating. It's a long process and I know there's this fear of uncertainty, like, "will I be able to orgasm?!" - but if you're gaining sensitivity and things are starting to give glimpses of pleasure, it seems highly likely it's just a matter of time.
Keep at it, try your very best to be very patient with yourself and your body and its process.
Hey pussy twin!π€£ i wanted to know if your left labia felt diffΓ©rent than the right? When i pat down the area, its like there is like there is something starting from over the vulva and going right through the left labia? Its more obvious when aroused. Is it part of the surgery technique??
I've not encountered anything like this! Things seem symmetrical internally and I can't detect any kind of internal structure.
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I'm not sure what you mean by pilling.
I haven't douched in about 9 months and I have experienced no adverse effects. I have no plans to do so. Sometimes I worry that I'm getting a bit too fragrant but then my gf assures me it's not an issue.
I'm so sorry but I wasn't able to catch this in either of your posts. Maybe this is just my tired brain, idk. What type of vaginoplasty did you get?
I would be absolutely elated to get your results. I'm just really scared that I'll get bad results and then... you know. Thats just what I'm stuck with for the rest of my life. Also I was wondering if I could ask you some questions in PMs.
Brassard does standard penile inversion.
Feel free to DM me!
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