Is it possible there was a miscommunication with the surgeon about how to dilate? Because I don't think I've ever heard of anyone told not to use lube, and it really sounds like a bad idea. When my surgeon prepared the dilator for my first dilator, it was literally dripping lube onto the bed.

I think you should talk to your surgeon ASAP, to clarify that and to discuss the possible tears, in case they need to intervene.

Hmm...so no lube and use an ointment when dilating, and I saw you have a placeholder in between donations?

My surgeon said not to do that, and that it was important to only dilate for the time specified (20 min each 3 times a day). Leaving anything there longer can cause issues with things sticking to healing wounds and he said you want to let the muscles and the tissues relax in between dilation.

Also douching - I didnt start this for almost 2 months. And even then was advised only do it once a week.

Your instructions sound to me like it would be painful especially this early on. You could also be starting to have granulation tissues causing this, or simply pelvic muscles need to start being retrained. I'd most certainly contact your surgeons office.

If it’s keeps getting harder you’re generally supposed to dilate more often

What is dilating?