You’re having a depression brought on by your major surgery. That is very common.

call your psych, that is one of the main reasons they want you to have an established psych before surgery. They should be very well versed in how to help

I'm sorry, I went through all this. It was fucking torture. It took me 2 1/2 years to get over the depression and PTSD. It took another year to get the additional revisions to fix the external problems.

First, you can't just keep using silver nitrate on your wounds and granulation. Every time you use it, it cauterizes the wound. That creates scarring and a reduction in skin elasticity. This means more tightness and less depth. I went to a physical therapist, She helped me keep my vulva open while the granulation healed. Then I had a tiny opening at the entrance, and I had a vulvectomy to reopen it.

That was just part of the 1st revision. Then I had two more revisions to fix the damage from the first revision. I still live with problems, but it's not open wounds, granulation and pain anymore. I just randomly wet my pants unless I take two medications to control my bladder.

So...if I can get through it, so can you, in half the time.

Edit: This is what I went through the first 10 months. This is granulation from hell. https://photos.app.goo.gl/14nRwiDQUfm5nMa36

In my dilation manual given by my surgeon, it looks they are saying on cases like yours that more dilation will actually improve things as the more you dilate more frequently the less each dilation session will stretch the tissue.

If you had PI, have you considered testosterone cream to increase tissue health inside your vagina and help healing?

Stay strong sis. More girls go through this than you think. It’s just not as often talked about. Post op depression is very real. I went through it for a time. I share that pain. That feeling of a never ending cycle with a non-healing wound. Things will get better. This is a massive surgery. Our bodies are an amazing thing. Please please please seek help through your surgeon, psychologist, or other resources for girls like us. You’re bigger than this moment.

Keep you head up! Look at things like tb 500 and bpc 157. These are peptides that can help you heal! You will be OK my friend.

I had 18 months of granulation which also managed to mask an e.coli infection and a yeast infection. It affected my mental health too but not to the level which you are feeling.

I'd advise speaking to an LGBT helpline/trans specific one if there is one where you live and also speaking to your surgeon re. the ongoing issues.

They should have a duty of care as they're the ones who did the surgery so are responsible for the outcome if you have followed all of their instructions.

I’m sorry to hear about your complications. Who is your surgeon? I think we can help more if we know that.

I'm sorry that you're going through this and I hope everything turns out good for you.

What surgeon did you go to and what method did they use?

Im just stopping by and giving you hugs. I’d see a doctor and get that fixed so you can go back to living your best life.

Hugs

I wish all these stories were coming out earlier or I would not get srs. I am still struggling 7 years later. Back then reddit or YouTube did not have many first hand accounts of what it is like to live life after srs. Nobody talked about complications. Susans.org used to actively remove bad reports on surgeons and results. This just sucks.

I have no idea about the physical side of things, but it seems some people have that covered.

On the mental health side, I've lived with intense depression, persistent depression, Bipolar II with extreme melancholic episodes for years now. It doesn't stop. And I've had times when I wanted to give up. It feels like there's nothing you can do. So do nothing. But don't forget that this isn't you. These feelings do not make you who you are, they are from your brain working against you. I managed to get through 2 straight years of feeling like you are now, and I'm still here, so it can be done.

Best thing is to talk to a professional psychologist or psychiatrist. Treatment might include antidepressants, DBT, CBT or I'm sure they might have other suggestions. I was in hospital recently (private psych clinic as in-patient), and I found a friend in a trans man and we got talking a lot about things. He was there because of persistent depression after having his top surgery, and also PTSD from medical trauma associated with the surgeries. It seems to be relatively common for surgeries relating to body parts associated with your identity (such as primary or secondary sex characteristics) to result in mental health struggles.

If you don't have a mental health support team then you need to get some, and if you do then make sure to bring all this up with them. You recognise that there is a problem, which is the first step. Now you need to reach out to professionals and ask for help.

In terms of tips for temporary help with depression, try to think of something that you know you used to like, that used to make you truly happy before all this. What's something that never failed to make you smile? I have a number of things that could do that. Dancing, writing fiction, worldbuilding, or listening to music. It can take a while but if you force yourself to do those things once a day and commit to doing it regularly, you can start to find joy in that activity again.

My best tip is to please find a supportive and qualified therapist. I haven’t been through bottom surgery, but I know I would probably be feeling very similarly to you if I was being confronted with the same situation. (I have a history of depression)

And if you need them, don’t hesitate to use emergency hotlines like trans lifeline USA 877-562-8660 or trans lifeline Canada 877-330-3366 or the Trevor project or whatever your emergency services number is like 911 here in USA.

Wishing you all the best!!

I am about a year post-op on my SRS, at 6 months I had to have a revision because I had lost all of my depth and I couldn’t sit up for more than an hour without being almost in tears. I felt like a failure and all of the positive effects of having the surgery were completely erased.

The second surgery found that I had a surgical sponge left inside my pelvic floor and my body was walling it off behind scar tissue, but that resulted in my second surgery not being able to fully repair the lost depth or accomplish the full goal of more depth. I can dilate, kinda but I fear it, am repulsed by the thought of it. I am now a scarred mess, I hate everything about.

May I ask which SRS/GCS clinic or doctor did your surgery. I'm having trouble deciding where I want to get mine done.

im feeling very similarly. praying for healing for both of us

I dealt with some post surgical depression myself. I've had nowhere near the complications you've had so I can only imagine how you feel. Post surgical care for vaginoplasty is a tough regiment. Even dilating twice a day I still find mentally taxing. That's 2 hours per day I have to dedicate to doing an unpleasing thing. The best recommendation I would have to cope with this is to make your therapy time a healing time. Get relaxed, grab a nice drink, watch a nice vid. Self care is important and I'm sorry your journey has been so damn rough. My hopes are with you that you get better.

Post-surgical depression is actually really common with SRS. You're definitely not alone. What has your doctor said about your healing? There must be something that can be done. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Hugs im sorry you feel this way I’m 3+ months and no orgasm yet :-(