what does living with a vagina mean? I've been mentally preparing for a long time that I'll have a vagina instead of my hated penis. but how is life with a vagina? what do you have to consider what surprises me what don't you calculate beforehand? how is everyday life? What do I have to learn to keep them clean. how is that pee do i have to relearn sex? And how many times will I reach down and find there's nothing left... how did you feel?
It took me about a month to stop reaching down to direct myself into the toilet. You'll be dilating multiple times a day for at least 6 months then once a day for another 6 months then about once a week after that.
It's very different and after 2 years for me now I just exist as I am.
Are there things that surprised you or that you didn't expect?
I had heard how difficult peeing for the first time was, I just sat and let go and didn't have any problems. My caregivers thought I would have been screaming in agony after my surgery. I was never in any pain but was pretty uncomfortable. I had some post surgery depression at about 3 weeks, apparently that is normal. After a few months my brain had remapped my nerves that when I would touch myself on the inside, I could no longer tell where that part was when it was on the outside. I feel like I have always been this way.
Are you able to stop dilating eventually or is it a once a day thing now forever? Tyty
Depends on your life. I’m marrying a cis man who I’ve been with for two years. GCS is this spring. We are very sexually active now despite it being a chore. I assume for us by the time a year hits we will be at it several times a week and toys are always involved. So for someone like that you may need to dilate less.
My wife is also trans like me. She dilated regularly early on because it was part of the whole schedule and keep the whole thing working.
After that brief period in time was over she hasn’t done it in years
How much you dilate depends heavily on where you're having surgery. Dr. Lubos Kliniken normally never requires you to dilate more than twice a day, even while you're still in hospital. On the sheet you get when you go home they just tell you to dilate once or twice a day; whatever works for you. Other techniques like Suporn's or even Taskov who is also operating at Dr. Lubos Kliniken, but is separate from the rest of the team require more dilation because they use different tissues or treat them differently.
Hygiene is far more involved. Same thing with different discharges, smells etc. Urinating is different for sure, and now if I laugh to hard I'm at risk of peeing myself. But aside from that I straight forget that I've got a vagina now and honestly think so little about my genitals, where before I was constantly anxious
Peeing yourself when laughing is called stress urinary incontinence. Get a referral to pelvic floor physical therapy and they'll help you sort that out. The trick is finding affirming providers. Most pelvic PTs are pretty liberal. source: I am a physical therapist.
My issue for that is I live in Very red area. Finding a trans friend physical therapist or even a trans friendly obgyn has been damn near impossible sadly.
How far are you from a big city? I am located in a blue city in the south. People drive 2 hours to come see me. At the minimum an in person eval can get you started and then you can do telehealth.
it's gratifying that you even forget it. I think women who have had a child share the problem with laughing and peeing? does this happen often? is this an OP error? what is the hygiene like? how long has it been since your surgery?
I'm almost 2 years out now from surgery. I don't know other peoples experiences but I know I've had the laughing, coughing etc the whole time now. Though that's better than where I was right after where i was literally having the ocassional full blown accident.
Hygeinr is different depending on you. Some girls douche like every few days, I personally only do if I end up with a case of BV or a yeast infection. But things like that, maintaining pH is important too so I use the ocassional boric acid suppository to maintain that. Also helps prevent BV from coming back.
I think women who have had a child share the problem with laughing and peeing?
FWIW, lots of ciswomen even when they are young before kids will sometimes pee themselves from laughing too hard. I've definitely known it to happen to quite a few people, especially when they are close enough to trust you with that kind of information. Also peeing when scared, etc. a lot easier than it happens to people with the other set of equipment.
is it Dan's shortest urethra?
What? Is that a speech-to-text typo? Dan's?
sorry autocorrect. does that come from the shorter urethra?
I'm not 100% sure but I believe it is mainly due to the combination of different musculature (people with testosterone have more muscle mass and that applies everywhere including the pelvic floor muscles) as well as the urethra passing through the prostate (which is a muscular gland) both being able to help "clamp down" that area.
For MtF people recently post-OP, obviously a lot of trauma and reconfiguration has happened to that area as well as nerves rewiring, etc. So having some issues there is common.
Okay
Women who haven’t had kids have similar issue. I asked my cis born wife and she confirmed it is a thing. She said welcome to being a woman 😂
FTM here I had the problem with laughing and peeing before I had bottom surgery. Never had any kids
It's not so much that there's "nothing left," it's all still there. Just rearranged in a way that feels... different. Reaching down, what I feel isn't an absence; rather, it's something I can't believe I went all this time without.
then you could also arrange everything well and quickly that has been moved to another place?
Initially, yeah. You remember the feeling and associate it with the original arrangement of the tissue. As more time passes you map it out better so that association changes.
As a newly "living with vagina" person:
Wipe when peeing. Also good to invest in baby wipes Also you find there is an even stronger need to wash daily (where you might have been able to get away with skipping a day)
Finally I'm sure you know this but wipe front to back
you describe it very nicely. I can well imagine. how about the smells is it similar with cis women?
Yeah I'd say so. Weirdly enough the smell of my urine changed dramatically. I'm pretty sure this is a microflora thing. Now I don't have a vaginally canal so I cannot speak to that but without one I can say for all intents and purpose, it's all natural smelling women down there 😅 in a couple day I can ask my partner 😁 haven't seen them since my surgery so I'll know more then, I'm sure
ok i'm excited
I'm trans male but I see you keep asking about hygiene. There's a very important thing about toilet hygiene. Be sure to wipe front to back because if you don't you can get nasty infections.
A bidet attachment on your toilet might be a good thing. I got mine for under $20.
Could be of your willing to deal with that. I use wipes. Same level of clean just not... idk it felt ick to me. Soon I won't have to worry about though. (Fingers crossed 🤞)
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I'm looking forward to the day when I no longer have to think about what's down there or not. the phantom feeling and reaching down to pee is a bit crazy. but yes, you have been equipped with different equipment for the rest of your life.
I’ve learned how to properly throw away a pad yesterday, a week after my surgery. You roll it up then roll it in toilet paper so it “doesn’t smell”. I’m so nervous about learning new things but also so thankful to be complete. I’m so lucky I have a best friend teaching me as o recover
has your head gotten used to the new state?
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able to stare at myself in the shower and not feel that I was worthless or a freak
Oh thank god!, I knew it couldn't be just me. All other results are negotiable
oh congratulations and get well soon. enjoy learning new things.
Echo what some other folks have said: -peeing yourself a little when laughing or sneezing is a thing -you develop your own new brand of smell -it takes time to adjust. Phantom limb is a thing for a while (I'm 18 months out, and it is just normal feeling now) -i hated using public bathrooms with a passion before. No more anxiety with that now. -orgasms before we're a quick up and a quick down. Now it's a slow and gradual climb to to a slightly lower peak, but the release is more like riding waves on the way down. A much longer and enjoyable experience. -theres a general relief, even after 18 months, when looking down there. A feeling of wholeness/completeness.
This was such a genuine and realistic answer. It resonated with me, even though I have yet for go through surgery.
many thanks for your response. I wasn't aware of the smell until now. do you notice that when you pee or busy yourself down there? or is that in your nose all the time?
I was expecting blood and discharge during initial healing, but I have enough thatmy underwear is wet by noonif I don't wear a pantiliner. Hygiene is really important, no more shake the last drops offwhen peeing. I use a lot more toilet tissue, wiping front to back is a must. I have to go urinate right away as my bladder feels full, or it will leak out. Laughing, coughing, and sneezing are problematic. Dilation is a part of life. Clothes feel better. My vagina feels so natural and normal,like she has always been there. Going commando in a dress or skirt is exhilarating. My cars seat heater feels fucking amazing. G string and thong underwearlook, fit, and feel so comfy and right. I gladly traded my penis for something soft, wet, very tender, yet strong like a woman. I feel so natural and complete.
Thank you for the great comment. one notices that you feel you have arrived
What does it mean? Hmm. It means I can wear pencil skirts!
Personally I haven't found the hygiene thing very strenuous. You wide when you pee and you wipe all the goop off when you dilate. But I don't douche anymore.
Oh big surprise : farts can travel through the front as well as the back. That was a surprise.
The smooth factor is still pretty great.
Lmao at the farts..... I thought it was just me 😂
don't you have to stretch anymore? oh exciting realization with the farts.
I learned that the old pad gets rolled up and put in the new pad’s wrapper so it’s not… problematic. Using maxi pads because I keep leaking a bit. Too much for plain light days liner.
...
I really wish someone had told me that sooner. Thanks for the tip!
Cis woman input if that’s OK - Poise pads (or generic knockoffs) are better for this than maxi pads, and you can get slim ones if it’s just a little peeing.
Thanks. Will try them.
Its a big change. U should very much consider yourself going thru puberty for the third time. Your orginal puberty, hormone puberty, now your on your way to becoming who you were always meant to be. You were always a girl but youll now be classified female and have to learn female things. Its gon be different but you got it baby.
It really is like a third puberty to relearn all the new arrangements, how sex and orgasms and what feels good works, and eventually brain calms TF down about things being all wrong. At the two year mark for me now, I am reaching the point of normalcy again but this time, I can go all day and never think once about what my genitals are doing. It's glorious!
Overall its the feeling of completeness that makes it all worth it
Absolutely, I do feel complete!
oh I can imagine that it's lovely. so do you feel you have arrived all around?
Physically yes very close. My voice still needs work, but we are all a work in progress!
Hitching on to this thread to ask quite a specific question.
I am generally very particular about hygiene down there. If I poop I have to wash all contact points I've made with the toilet, with soap and water.
If I'm not able to like if I'm outside, I use toilet paper but I will feel unclean for the rest of the day and make it a point to bathe before those same contact points touch any of my home clothes or furniture.
So far, this has turned me off peeing sitting down as then I'd feel dirty for the rest of the day. Even more so if there's been splashback from the toilet bowl while pooping.
I just don't know how I would cope feeling like that: going to public restrooms and sitting on the dirty seats, or splashback touching my lady bits. How do people with neo vaginas navigate this aspect of having it? I won't change my mind about wanting one, but at least I might feel more prepared. Thanks in advance.
exciting topic. has it only been like this since the operation?
I havent had the operation yet nor have I started transitioning yet due to life circumstances. But I intend to go for SRS as soon as I possibly can.
For what it’s worth , My mom had the same hygiene thing , and we took road trips from Philadelphia to Miami , so , not going wasn’t a thing . She’d Lysol the seat , TP it , and not touch the seat , just do a squat . She taught all 3 of us to use public restrooms the same way , now that I sit to use the restroom, I find myself doing the same thing . Road trips are now leg days !
Another commentor mentioned squatting too. It'll take me quite a few leg days at the gym and proper healing down there first before I'd be comfortable with doing that I guess.
Bringing around a seat cleanser does seem like an easier option although it might be a bit impractical at times. It's unfortunate not many public toilets in my country provide seat cleansers and wipes.
Thank you for your reply though :)
Ahh , I bring the wipes in my purse when I travel , the public toilets here in Arizona are gross .
I see! I do bring wet wipes around but never thought of using them like that. Will try that next time :)
Some cis women hover above the seat, not actually touching it. It’s supposed to be unhealthy.
Not sure, but might find recovery from surgery a bit difficult to deal with.
Thanks for replying. I definitely have to lose some weight before even applying for SRS so I guess adding in a few more leg days wouldn't be a big deal.
Perhaps when the stitches are still in, the pressure of doing that might dehisce some stitches so best to only do it when its all healed up properly I guess.
Thanks for replying!
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Yea TP on the seat and TP in the toilet bowl itself seems to be the way to go to avoid germs + splashback
Gotta hope the plumbing system is top notch though haha. I've had toilets that chokes over the slightest amount of TP
Is urinary (stress) incontinence typical post-SRS? Or are we talking during the recuperative process? 😬🤔
You won’t think about it much after a while. Douching is important; don’t believe anyone who tells you neovaginas are self-cleaning. Once a week or after sex is fine. If someone comes inside you (which is an awesome feeling especially with someone you love) definitely douche or use a shower sprayer. All this is practical advice for the individual but also helps keep the general reputation of trans women intact. TERFs love to accuse us of having smelly vaginas.
ok thanks for the tip. I'm very curious how it will turn out. And I'm almost even more excited about the feeling when something penetrates.
That's nor true depending on the method. Both colon and peritoneal are naturally self cleaning tissues
contentment, probly, i wouldnt know tho :(
Happy cake day! 🍰
I'm currently browsing Reddit from my hospital bed learning more about how to live with my new arrangement that I got today.
Thank you to everyone who responded. I have a lot of things to look forward to.
I am 2.5 years post op and dilate about once every one to two weeks.
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