Honey, you take the time it takes to get comfortable with the decision. If you felt too much pressure, you probably weren't mentally ready for the reality of the work to be done, even if you think the outcome could be good and what you want in the end. There us no rush to decide, and I think you are making the mature decision, even if it is a painful one

It’s probably the best choice for you. Looking at your history, you had a lot of fear about your surgeon. It’s much better to be 120% sure about the surgery. Surgery is rough and recovery, no matter what technique you have, is a struggle. You can always do it later, but you can never take it back.

I walked away the day before my zero depth surgery. I think I still want it, but there are serious trade offs to be considered, also the timing was really bad. I think gcs is really important tool for fighting dysphoria, but its a lot to know if it will work or not. Anyway, i am 100% in favor of anyone getting it, but for me Im not 100% sure it was the right choice at that moment.

I think it's wise to back off if you're not feeling right about something.

For me as an older trans woman, one of the options I'm genuinely considering is a vulvoplasty or zero-depth vaginoplasty. Less recovery time and no dilating, obv. Also just less complicated surgery, less risk. And I've heard that because they have more material to work with, they are able to make better looking vulvas.

Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing. I hope if in the future you decide you want it again that you will be able to feel completely confident in your decision.

You made a smart decision, I just got srs (mtf) a month ago. I just got comfortable with what was between, and even though it's exactly what I wanted, I can't help but have thoughts. I've been grappling with if it's me not giving it a chance it, it looks great, the concerns are healing after a month I'm barley being able to get around like normal ( just walking and taking care of myself) I still can't help but be nervous about the function. You have no need to beat yourself up about your decision. I was doing the same thing the month leading up to my date, for some reason it still felt right in my heart, but listen to your heart. You know what's right and if it's right it will happen. God bless you and your journey but if it does not feel right in your gut, it is not. Plus dating wise literally does not matter, people who would not have been comfortable before guess what they will still say shit after. It's for you, do it for yourself love 💕.

You need to be able to feel sure that this is what you want. This is a decision that you can not take back later. There is nothing wrong with stopping. You can always have it later if you want. Personally I have met more people that have stopped like you. Thirty years ago I was on HRT, had my orchiectomy, then stopped. Things were different thirty years ago. All I had was negative pressure from work, friends, family, and society in general. I am very happy that I had the orchiectomy. It took of a lot of personal pressure.

Gotta be absolutely beyond sure about it, it's a one way lifetime trip so if you had hesitation enough to cancel then it was the right decision.

I noticed it moved further down the list of my priorities over time to where I don't much consider it anymore, I've realized I'm more concerned about getting it to not be nervous about people treating me shitty for having a penis instead of actual dysphoria about my parts and that's probably not good enough motive for such a complex intense surgery

Lot of us never do the gcs surgery, and I am one such woman. I had an orchi back in 2010 and never went further. I am married to a man and we adopted two children. Life's been good to us and I wouldnt want to risk the surgery now nor deal with the recovery. I think you did what was right for you. Don't feel bad if you end up stopping where you are. You may find surgery isn't your path and that's okay.

There’s no reason for you to feel like trash.

In some ways, the consult is psychologically a far bigger step than it may seem.

When I scheduled my consult, I was on the fence about SRS, leaning towards “not all that interested”. But, I thought, what’s the harm in getting a consult. For a small fee I can get a closer look at the actual process than I can get from Reddit.

At the consult, I was fairly impressed. (Later I learned that the surgeon is known for giving a good sales pitch.) I was offered a date more than a year out, if I was interested. I thought, I might as well reserve the date. There wasn’t any immediate request to put down a deposit, so I thought, what’s the harm? I’ll have enough time to make up my mind. I can always cancel, and if I actually do decide to go through with it, I’ll have a surgery date ready to go.

Here’s where the “fun” part starts. As time went on and the surgery date was looming large in my mind, I started to obsessively research all things SRS, until it became literally the only thing I thought and talked about. It poisoned the relationship I was in. It consumed most of my free time. I was reading all there was to read - this subreddit, other forums, scientific papers. I was talking to people online. When I wasn’t researching, I was meditating on it, talking to a personal coach about it…it literally consumed my life for about 10 months or so.

I felt under immense pressure to make a decision, but at the same time, I still couldn’t. It dragged on right until the time I actually needed to pay the deposit.

I remember being in a session with my trans care provider, feeling on the verge of a nervous breakdown, saying that I wasn’t sure about it at all. They told me that it seems like I may wanna wait some more and cancel my upcoming date.

In the end, after some last-minute super-intense research, I made a snap decision to go to a different surgeon. I went back to my trans care provider, who gave me a letter of recommendation without batting an eye, even though I was in their office just a week earlier, agonizing about whether I even want SRS at all.

I don’t blame them - this is what affirmative care looks like. Whatever you say you want, you’ll get. It’s good to be aware of this. We’re in this alone. The trans care specialists don’t provide any meaningful feedback, they just repeat your words back to you and function as a human rubber stamp.

In the end I did get SRS, and I am deeply conflicted about it. I try to stay positive and I am not saying it’s all bad. But there’s no question that if I could go back in time, I wouldn’t go ahead with it. No way.

Currently my stance is, SRS is not worth it unless you’re literally suicidal due to genital dysphoria, and you’ve already tried good self-acceptance therapy, and maybe psychedelics, without success.

I guess what I wanted to say is that the consult itself can already be a point where the train leaves the station, so to speak. Having that date scheduled put me into “SRS mindset” so strongly that in the end the surgery was a liberation from the constant agony of indecision. This is obviously not the right reason to get such a serious surgery, but after months and months of obsessing about it, I wasn’t thinking straight anymore.

I cancelled my phallo consult. I felt like i was still gonna be dysphoric unless I had the World's Best Result and I didn't want to deal with dysphoria and complications. I have quite severe health anxiety so I knew it had the potential to break me. Also I know the complication risk is real low but I feel like I either know a lot of people personally who have had a hard time or maybe my brain just latches onto the negative results.

I agonized over this too. I ended up deciding to do a zero depth surgery, because of the lower risks and much less recovery time and 'maintenance'. It fits my lifestyle (lesbian and still married to my wife, who has no interest in topping), so it all added up to not taking the risk with the full thing, but lets me get rid of the thing I hate.

I hope you can find a decision that lets you feel good about everything.

the risk is pretty low.

the regret rate for vaginoplasty is like 1%. the regret rate average for all surgeries in general is 7%, and for some life saving surgeries is upwards of 20%.

in other words, the chances of something going wrong are pretty low.

but you have to decide what's best for you.

It took me a long time thinking about srs as something I wanted. I definitely wanted ffs.. srs kinda snuck on me.. I was never terribly bothered by having what I had, except I always fought with feelings of inadequacy. All those feelings disappeared the moment I decided I was going to do it.

And there's definitely a moment where you decide. It's a switch and you feel like you've accepted the risks but also... You're manifesting the future you want. It's it going to be perfect? Easy? No, but what in life is if it's worth doing?

Take the time you need. As the great head of Nintendo once said, "A delayed game is potential great, a rushed game is bad forever." So get it right and do your research. But also know that there has never been a better time to do this surgery. People are getting amazing results from professionals with years of experience. And also, if you're worried about it not being a good result m very few complications that can happen can't be completely rectified. And if you communicate your needs, then you can get what you want and also.... no two are identical, there's a wide variety of shapes and structures that the female bits can look like perfectly naturally so there's no reason to believe that yours would fall outside that.

Take the time you need. If living with ADHD has taught me anything, it's that forcing yourself into decisions and things in general that you're not fully convicted about is a bad idea.

I rushed into my top surgery because I couldn't wait to have them gone, and I don't regret it one bit, but I think it's put me off from ever wanting a huge surgery again. I'm not even sure I want a hysterectomy anymore. The recovery period of this stuff is harsh, and top surgery isn't even crotch area, I understand why you're scared about that because I'd honestly be terrified.

You do the things you want once you're ready to face and do them, there's time and it'll be easier if you're sure and less anxious about it. Doing things in your own time and pace is important